Beautiful Miscellany

Sometimes, most of the time even, life just seems so monotonous. Day in and day out nothing very exciting or noteworthy seems to happen.

But then one day you look back at all the little snapshots you've taken and you realize you're living a beautiful life. Yes, there is a whole lot of mundane and pouting in between the smiles and silly faces but the sum of all the good brief little moments comes rushing into your heart and you feel a landslide of gratitude and joy for every.single.thing.

Here are a few snapshots of some of our beautiful miscellany that we've collected so far this year. 

We have felt the joy of getting back into a long-missed sport and the feeling of freedom that comes with slicing down a mountain through the best snow on earth. 

We have felt the exhausting joy of playing and eating well.

We have felt the joy of laughter and connection with another soul.

We have felt the joy of creating song and dance.

We have felt the joy of a comfortable old pair of red rain boots that go with absolutely everything, non-dependent upon the weather.








We have felt the joy of sunshine, blue skies, a breeze, snowcapped mountains, green grass, rocks, and water.





We have felt the joy of gaining knowledge and the confidence that comes with it. Also, the joy of discovering a new form of energy in order to control 80 twin galaxies.

                    

We have felt the joy of covenant renewal between us and our Heavenly Father.

Not everything has been joyful. There have been hurt feelings, anxiety, and too many owies to count. 

But in between all of those has been a family who works hard (maybe a little too hard some days), plays a lot (very possibly too much), and loves with all their might. For them, I am and forever will be grateful.

Home Decor: Nate's Bedroom

We finally finished Nate's room. It's not fancy.

 

From his old room he shared with Madeleine came the drapes, banner, rock portrait, and nightstand (the white label on the drawer says "Pokemon Cards").

I was a bit emotional as we put together his bed. I vividly remember the night we first put it together as his crib. We did it way earlier than we needed to because I was feeling all nest-y. Then it was a crib for Madeleine. Then a toddler bed. Then a crib again. Then a toddler bed again for Caroline. Now it's come full circle. It made me feel all sentimental and a tad sad.

Then one night I was at the store and came across a Salt Lake Real Soccer blanket and decided it was perfect for the color scheme. Plus, Nate's a big fan.

I've always been curious about knit jersey sheets so that's what I bought. Overall, they're really comfy and warm. They do collect hair and lint, though.

Now. This bedspread. This makes me sound really lame but I've been saving our holed jeans for, get this, 8 years in order to have enough scraps to make a bedspread. 8 YEARS! Why would I do that?? I don't know... But I did. I won't again.

When I told Nate the plan he wasn't at all interested in having old jeans as his blanket, understandably. But once I finished he loved it. Inside I put an Ikea down alternative duvet so this blanket is heavy but comfy.

After seeing how well the cute painted stripes turned out in the girls' room, I had lofty idealizations of what I'd do on Nate's walls. I mocked up a bunch of ideas and Nate and I decided on a really cool grid.

But guess what? It didn't happen. I bailed. Too much effort + not enough energy = me humbly begging Nate if I could back out. And guess what else? He didn't care. Even a bit. What can I say? He's a boy. Thank goodness.

So we hung back up the world map and called it good.

We got creative and made a fun little geometric mobile to hang in the corner.

He likes to hang pictures and posters all over his wall so I decided to hang up a few cork boards for him.

The cat is the perfect finishing touch for this tiny, not-terribly-impressive but nice-enough room.

To Have or To Have Not

This is a very personal essay I wrote a year ago. When I get completely overwhelmed and overburdened by my own head, it helps me to dump all my thoughts on paper so that I can clear it all out and start fresh. That’s what happened here. Someday I’ll write another piece about my actual decision. For now, this essay is about the struggle getting there.

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I knew I would post this someday, but first needed to get past it being so close to my heart. I feel like I’m now in a place to share my thoughts with the purpose of letting other women know that they’re not the only ones feeling this way, because that’s how I felt. 

This essay is not for the woman who wants a child but, for one reason or another, is not able to at this time. It is not for the woman who feels full of inner peace and fulfilled when carrying a child in her womb and then in her arms. This is for the woman who can conceive and can feel fulfilled but doesn’t know if she has the strength in her to do it again. 

This essay is not is for the woman who says, “I feel like there is another child waiting to come to us.” It is not for the woman who says, “We are SO done!” This essay is for the woman who struggles with the decision of bringing or not bringing another little spirit into the world and into their home with all of the blessings and implications of doing so. 

As I’ve struggled with this choice, sometimes I felt there must be something wrong with me. I knew there must be other women who struggle but I rarely, if ever, heard about it. There must be others who have had to go through or are presently going through this heart-wrenching process. This essay is for you. 

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As you read, please be sensitive to the personal nature of this matter. As I mentioned, this was written a year ago and I have since come to some a sort of calm. It took a few years, but I feel more settled and like I’m on the right path for me and my family. That path is different for everyone. There is no place for judgement on this issue. Thank you.

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I had a great job that I loved. I traveled. I was living where I had always wanted to live. I was on my way to being a college graduate. I was married to my best friend. I was living the life and was happy. The only thing left to do was to have a baby, right? So that’s what I did. I had a baby.

I loved that baby like crazy but, man, it was SO difficult to shift gears on my whole lifestyle and begin to stay home all day with this little needy thing. Our first night home from the hospital (and many nights after) he cried and cried. I thought babies were supposed to sleep and be sweet all the time! That’s what I had always observed. 

Adding to the difficulty of the time, we moved to a bigger apartment which meant leaving my favorite place where I felt a connection to my surroundings and neighbors. The new place was sterile and completely isolating. I hated it there. After a few months we bought a cute little townhouse up north with loving neighbors and life started to feel a little better. 

We decided to have another little needy thing and after a long and pain-filled pregnancy, I had her. Crying. Again. Why didn’t my babies act like other babies I’d see? Why weren’t they calm and easy-going? They obviously didn’t like me. Why didn’t they like me?!

Sometimes I escaped to my car while I made sobbing phone calls to my husband who was joyfully off at work in his quiet little world of positive evaluations and self-satisfaction. I was just trying to catch my breath.

Many afternoons, while waiting for him to get home from work I’d be sobbing and pacing a screaming baby with my toddler following me, happily talking my head off incessantly because that’s what he does. “How am I supposed to do this?! And for how many more years?!” I kept demanding of myself. 

The time came for a third needy little thing. I couldn’t do it. We waited a while longer before I decided I better just get on with it so that we could get it over with. We conceived and I cried. My body was in pain. I was on self-imposed bedrest as much as possible but even that hurt. It hurt to sit. It hurt so much to roll over. It hurt very much to walk.  My husband swore he’d never let me put myself through that again.

We hoped and prayed that this baby would be easier. “Please, don’t cry as much as the other two,” I pleaded. Instead, she cried much harder for much longer. 

Finally, we made it out of the difficult baby and toddler years and have been in the phase of “Should we have another one?” for a good while now. This is where the real reason for this essay begins. To sort my thoughts. To hopefully not just come to a conclusion but to feel peaceful and happy over whatever conclusion that is. 

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I always wanted four or five kids. Three never seemed enough. As a woman living in an amazing time on this earth in a blessed country and as a woman of faith, it is an honor and a duty to have children and to raise and nurture them as chosen Children of God. At the same time, I am also grateful to live in a time and place where, unlike most women throughout history, I have the choice to stop having children when I deem fit. 

Yes, I had painful pregnancies. But other women have much worse. Yes, I had colicky babies. But again, other women have to deal with harder situations. I have a loving and involved husband and three great kids. Why shouldn’t I want to add another one to our family? Won’t I get blessed for it? And is doing that to myself and my family again actually the right thing to do? Why do I feel like less of a faithful and capable woman if I choose to have only a few children rather than a quiver full of them? 

There are so many reasons to have another baby and so many reasons why I would rather not. But I feel like such a selfish woman for not wanting to do it again. I have the health, finances, and capability of being a wonderful mother but I’m afraid. It scares me to think about going through all that again. Besides, there are other things I want to do in life and other things I want to be.  

I go back and forth between feeling confident and satisfied and then disobedient and rebuked. 

What if I don’t have one and then regret my decision later in life? What if I do and then go into a semi-depressive state for 3 years? What if I go for it with faith and it’s surprisingly wonderful? Why can’t I decide what to do?

I’ve prayed and fasted over and over again but there has been no clear answer. I wondered, “Why wouldn’t Heavenly Father coax me into doing it? Isn’t it His desire?” I know there’s the whole agency thing but I should still feel prompted if it were right, right? So maybe there’s a reason He doesn’t give me that desire. Maybe there really is no right or wrong answer in this case. Maybe it’s just not the right time. Maybe it’s a tender mercy. 

I made a Yes-Baby Pro/Con List and a No-Baby Pro/Con List in order to analyze it from every angle, because that’s what I do. The list is long. 

A summarization of the Pros: 

Yes-Baby Pro: Snuggling, giving my kids the opportunity of having another younger sibling, knowing I’ve done my best to bring spirits into this world, discovering another amazing little personality, having babies makes people smile, not feeling guilt, remorse, or regret for a missed opportunity.

No-Baby Pro: I think I’m ready to move into my next stage of life, I enjoy my kids so much more now than I did when they were littler, more time for other interests and pursuits, much easier physically and mentally.

Many times I have wished that it would just happen “accidentally” like it does for others. Then obviously the child was supposed to have been born without any struggle or weighing of pros and cons on my part.

Yes, I know I’m overthinking and over feeling but it’s such an important eternal decision. I owe it to myself, my family, and my Heavenly Father to give it proper consideration. But it’s been going on so long and deeply now that my brain and heart hurt.

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Now I am sitting here a year later reviewing and revising what I wrote. I know I ended the essay without a written conclusion, no feeling of finality. Well, that’s because there isn’t one yet. I’ve come a long way from feeling so burdened into a place where I feel happy and settled...a temporary calm. Temporary because the story hasn’t ended but continues. Maybe in another year when I come out of my temporary calm I will explain further but for now, I’m feeling blessed and happy with my life and family.  

Photo Friday - Sunlight On Dirty Glass

Taken with iPhone 6 Plus and edited with the Enlight App.

While the Frontrunner train was pulling into the station this morning I turned around and noted the sun shining through some very dirty glass. The storm on Monday covered everything at the Lehi station with dust including this glass. I love lines of the beautiful mountains behind the two panes of glass.

It occurred to me this afternoon that I really used to enjoy posting a photo each Friday and telling a story about it. That got derailed by a lot of other photoshoots and general business. So I’m happy to say that I’ll be editing a photo and posting it here each week. Hopefully we’ll have fun with this.

Nate’s First Knowledge Bowl Nate and his school group...

Nate’s First Knowledge Bowl

Nate and his school group before the knowledge bowl competition this morning. They won two and lost two. Well done Nate and Go Tigers!

I can’t tell you how much work Nate put into preparation for this. During fall semester Nate and his team met once per week after school to learn and practice trivia. After the holidays they met two times per week after school. He willingly gave up an hour of his play time to do this. I’m very impressed that he’d be so consistent with something like this. I’m very proud of him.

The subject this year was Utah and US history. Julie and I didn’t know a lot of the answers. They were tough! Next year is science and Nate already has a really good background in that. Should be a good year!!

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Fall in the Mountains

This Year of Yoga

A year ago I posted about how I came to love yoga and some of my strengths and weaknesses. The goal I made then was to focus on my arm and shoulder strength so I could get into handstands better. Before last year I had been regularly practicing only once a week. In order to achieve my goal, I upped my practice to 2-3 times a week. I made some good progress.

Since this January, I've upped my practice to 4-6 times a week. My focus has been to work the flexibility of my hamstrings and hip flexors so that I can straighten my legs more and maybe get into the splits by the end of the year. There has already been a marked improvement and it's only March so I'm hopeful that I'll make it. It's pretty exciting to see the difference it makes when doing something regularly and frequently.

Fallen Angel - Devaduuta Panna Asana

I always do yoga at night either right after the kids go to bed or even later after I've had something to do. I work out for 30-60 minutes. I stretch almost every day in order to keep my body from tensing up. I refuse to try any serious pose without warming up for a good 20 minutes first. I don't need an injury!  

On Monday nights I go to class which usually focuses on doing a lot of reps of something or holding poses for an extended time. This is the only time I listen to boring and annoying chiming music.  

Half of the other nights of the week I follow Method Yoga with Reed Taylor (advanced strengthening yoga, great quality videos) and Leigha Butler Yoga (lower quality videos but I like her style) on youtube. 

The other half of the nights I stretch and lengthen my muscles and relax. I do this when I've had a stressful day or my muscles hurt or I don't have much time. I like to listen to something mellow and cool like Radical Face, Joshua Radin, or The Secret Life of Walter Mitty soundtrack.

One night a week I do my own practice in order to work on a particular pose or two. On these nights I love listening to something intense and fun like The Black Keys or something else to get me pushing myself harder. 

I've already decided that next year my focus will be on transitioning from one balance or strength pose to another and then another without stopping and with control.

Peacock in Full Lotus - Bandha Mayurasana

Rob had borrowed an extra flash for a photoshoot so we took advantage and took some studio-style yoga portraits rather than just phone pics.

My "keeping it real" moments:
I'm not terribly vain but I made Rob give me a slight tan in the editing process. Wish it was that easy for me in real life! Also, I had him smooth the back of my upper legs.

The shoot was about an hour long and during that time I did around 30 poses. It was tough to do so many in a row! I had to hold them and sometimes do them a few times in order to get a good shot with the lighting and angles. It wasn't easy and I was pretty pooped afterward!

I'm a pretty shy person so I don't love posting these pictures of myself. I always fret and stress way more than I should. For days! But yoga is a big part of my life and I want to make sure I document what I do while I can still do it.

I didn't want to post all 30 pictures at once and inundate everyone so I'll just be posting a couple here and there over the next couple of months.

Big Job News

Okay, our job news isn't exactly big but I thought just Job News sounded too boring so I went with Big Job News in order to entice you to read. Sorry.

Last week was a big week for us.


1) We were hired multiple times by the same company to do corporate headshots. This is our favorite kind of photoshoot because it's quick and pays well.


2) Rob got a promotion at work. He is now the Geotech Team Lead. Well done, Rob! He swears that this change won't lead to working more hours or more travel. It does, however, change how much he does actual engineering vs project management. He prefers engineering work but knows that project management is the necessary next step in his career. It'll take a little while to figure out the workload balance but he's up to the task.

Not only is Rob a brilliant, hardworking engineer (in my not-so-humble opinion) but he also has really good people skills. Because of all these traits, he's the best person for the job. Congrats!


3) I was hired by a digital marketing company, Leadgenix, as a copy/content writer.

Every so often over the years, when I got extremely bored for weeks at a time with house cleaning and childcare, I'd start looking around for a job. There were plenty of times when I found something interesting but it never felt like it was the right timing. That feeling changed a couple of weeks ago when I found an opening for this position. It somehow just felt right so I submitted my resume and a written piece to prove I can write in SEO (search engine optimization) format.

I've been assigned to a year-long project with a national client. They have hundreds of franchises around the country and they each need a webpage overhaul in order to become more google-search friendly. I'm currently writing landing pages and will also at times write blog posts and whatever else they want.

The good news is that I get to do this at home on my own time. It couldn't have worked out better. I'm so thankful that I get to do something new and I also get to contribute to my travel fund. It's a very important fund, you know.

The bad news is that now Im like soooo nervous to write anything unprofessional like this blogg post, cause it probably has about fifteen grammatical     errors in and You are all going to "wonder how in the world I get a writing gig" when i can not even right a paragraph properish?.



Go Team Snow!


And a little comic to end things off because posts without pics are boring. This pretty much sums up our nightly discussions.

Overnighter at the Reef

We were having such beautiful springlike weather in the depths of wintertime and wanted to enjoy it while it held up.  After looking at our calendar and realizing we didn't have a whole weekend to spare we decided on just doing a quick overnighter.

Right after the kids got out of school on a Friday we drove 3 hours south to Torrey. We stayed at The Broken Spur Inn. There aren't a lot of options in Torrey but this is a good one. We had a pizza dinner and looked for constellations under the big open sky.

The next morning we were all so excited to be driving into Capitol Reef National Park with beautiful blue skies and red rocks all around.

Click on the pic below for the video.

First stop was the Goosenecks Overlook.

Grand Wash

Capitol Gorge

The Fremont River was too deep and fast to play in so we played in Sulphur Creek.

Click on the pic below for the video.

Then Sunset Point on our way out of the park.

We all had such a fun day. I mean, look at these smiles!!

I couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day!!