Our Ballroom Babe

Madeleine joined the school’s ballroom team this year. She loved every minute of it! With her mix of choreography memorization skills and theatric pizzazz, she wowed Rob and I every time she got on the dance floor.

She went to practice twice a week before school and practiced in our family room every afternoon. She loved going to competitions and really enjoyed being part of a team.

Her team did really well and went to state (which is where Rob and I had our first encounter with a real dance mom…Scary and yet so hard to look away!).

We are so impressed with her instructors and are grateful that they work so hard to give these kids an amazing experience.

Madeleine had quite the birthday this year. She decided months earlier that she wanted to use her present and party budget (and saved her own money) and stay overnight in a hotel with her cousin. We had a lot of fun! Since the hotel was mostly paid for with points, she was able to choose some fun activities to do including going to Classic Fun Center, a movie, and Build-a-Bear.

When we arrived back at home, she found her sister had made a surprise for her…rice krispie treat hedgehogs!

Although her celebration had already been a blast, Rob and I decided to throw her a surprise party anyway…at SWIG! It was a swinging success!

While we are on the subject of Madeleine, I have a funny story:

Madeleine and I had a dentist appointment this week. She has a cavity and I have one from a couple of years ago that needs to be redone. She really wasn’t looking forward to it. The day came and I was still congested and getting over a cold. I decided to reschedule and when I called they asked if I wanted to reschedule Madeleine’s as well. “Why yes, let’s do that,” I said.

Madeleine came home from school and immediately started crying because she was so nervous. I broke the good news to her and said we were going to sneak away to go shopping together instead. Well now that cheered her right up, of course! So off we went to the Outlets.

She requested mini pretzels and we sat down on a bench in the lovely sun eating them together. I remarked, “This is nice!” She responded,

“Yep! I would be sitting in a chair with a weird man hovering over me,

but instead I’m sitting on a bench…eating pretzels…

like a BOSS!”

I laughed pretty hard and told her I love how funny she is. She says “I know. It’s one of my great qualities.”

Sure is!

Not a Sit-Your-Butt-On-The-Beach-And-Don’t-Move-It Kind of Trip

I’ve been trying to decide which topic to write about this time (how vulnerability rather than strength allows us to connect with each other, or, musings on why so very few of our friends and family members “like” or comment on my blog posts, or, the enormous blessings that have resulted from therapy and a lot of hard work, for example) but I just wasn’t feeling any of those this time. Over the years I’ve learned that my best writing happens when my brain starts racing, sentences begin to form in my mind, a spurt of energy comes, and I feel a sudden rush of urgency. I’ve tried following those cues to guide me when it’s time to put thoughts onto pages.

As I was thinking about the above topics, I just wasn’t feeling any of these physical and mental signs this time. But what else is there to write about these days? Then, as soon as I started thinking about documenting our upcoming trip, all those feelings came. So that’s what I’m going to focus on today and I’m excited!

In a future post, I’ll go into specifics about my process of financing and planning our trips…because it IS a process! This time, one that’s taken 9 months to fund and 4 months to organize. However, since I finished all of that and am now in the waiting game (6 weeks to go!), I want to focus this post on the more fun side of things and just tell you want our plans entail. Eeee!! We are so excited!

Through the sometimes arduous task of deciding where we go next (dependent upon airline and hotel point availability, easy flights, season and weather, where I’m not susceptible to getting sick, etc.) we settled on a road trip through parts of England, Wales, and Scotland. Ireland was included originally but it quickly became apparent how much we’d have to cut out of Great Britain to make it work. Something had to give. Actually, LOTS of things had to give. There are just too many amazingly incredible places to visit in these countries! We had to do a lot of focusing and zeroing in on the places we ultimately felt we would enjoy the most.

Here’s rundown of our itinerary, subject to any needed flexibility when we’re actually on the ground:

1. Fly nonstop red-eye from SLC to London.
2. Take the train to our hotel in the Bloomsbury neighborhood of London. After resting up, we’ll take a double-decker bus to Big Ben and Kensington Gardens. We’ll walk through the gardens to the Princess Diana Playground.
3. Ride the River Thames ferry to the Tate Modern Museum and eat our way through Borough Market. We’ll also walk across the Jubilee Footbridge when it’s lit up at night.
4. Explore the Mayfair and Marylbone neighborhoods (or Notting Hill?). Head to St. James Park to watch the Cavalrys Parade and Changing of the Guard. Then we’ll pick up our rental car and head out of town to Eastbourne, a Victorian seafront town on the south coast.
5. Go see the white cliffs at Seven Sisters Country Park, walk along the beach, and do some rockpooling (tidepooling). That night, Rob and Nate have plans to do the Warner Bros. Harry Potter Studio Tour. The girls and I will relax at the hotel.
6. Rent a punting boat in Oxford and do a self-tour. Drive/walk through a couple of the Cotswold villages and play croquet at Hidcote Manor Garden.
7. Stop at Ludlow (medieval town) and walk across the Pontcysyllte Aquaduct on our drive through Wales to Snowdonia National Park.
8. Play on the beaches of the Lleyn Peninsula (most Welsh part of Wales).
9. Try our hand at crabbing and visit Conwy Castle.
10. Drive Winnat’s Pass to Castleton in the Peaks District and on through to York.
11. Stop at Hadrian’s Wall and wherever else suits our fancy on the northeast coast.
12. Visit Edinburgh’s Old Town and Royal Mile.
13. Explore more Edinburgh, Culross, and drive to The Trossachs National Park.
14. Hike through the forest to see Braklinn Falls and Devil’s Pulpit.
15. Fly out of Glasgow (possibly stopping at the Necropolis on the way) back to London and catch our late afternoon flight to Boston.
16. Walk Beacon Hill and maybe Boston Common or Feneuil Marketplace. Fly home!

Oh! One more thing I want to do while there…keep an ongoing list of all the new words/slang we can use in our speech once we are home. Their verbiage is so great and it’d be so fun to sprinkle it in whenever we feel like raising some eyebrows!

Half of our lodgings are normal Holiday Inn type of places, but I did book us in a few gems:

• Victorian seaside row house B&B
• YHA (youth and family hostels)
• Mobile home by the beach
• Hut in the woods of Snowdonia
• A vestry (little apartment attached to an 1800s church)
• Stately luxury hotel on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh
• Converted manor house garage apartment in a mountain village

Animals we are endeavoring to see:

• Shire or Clydesdale horses and Shetland ponies
• Lots of starfish, crabs, etc.
• Puffins
• Highland cows

Food we are endeavoring to eat:

• Fish and Chips
• Scones with jam and clotted cream
• Banoffee pie
• Norfolk crab
• Blakewell pudding
• Hot cross buns
• Rarebit
• Jacket potatoes
• Various cheeses
• Sticky toffee pudding
• Aberdeen angus beef
• Scottish eggs
• Lobster roll
• Cod

That’s it! Easy peasy! Haha, don’t worry, I’m not daft. I DO realize that this itinerary (and menu) is NOT for the faint of heart or for those who actually like to RELAX on their vacation. This is more for the family who likes to see and do (and eat) as much as they can because they wonder if they’ll ever return to this part of the world again. This is for the family who loves the drive through the landscapes and towns as much as the destinations at the end of the road. This is the stuff that gets my blood flowing and my mood high. Ooooh, I LOVE it!

Maybe our next trip will just be a sit-your-butt-on-the-beach-and-don’t-move-it kind of trip…but I doubt it.

T is for Twelve, Temple, and Tourette

**I had a heart-to-heart with Nate in preparation for this post. I wanted to make sure that, since he is getting older and everything, he is still okay with me blogging about him and his experiences. I want to respect his privacy. He thought about it and told me he really is fine with it but if he ever changes his mind, he’ll let me know.**

This birthday was a big one. Nathan Robert turned 12! All he wanted to do was take his friends to see the new Star Wars movie so that’s exactly what went down. What a fun, great group of boys surrounding him! They learn a lot from each other and always enjoy hanging out and being typical boys. Personally, I’m grateful for these boys’ parents who are raising fine young men. Nate is very blessed!

Nate graduated primary. Although not required, he decided to work and earn his Faith in God certificate by developing his talents, serving others, studying and journaling, and teaching his family about some of the principles of the gospel.

For his Aaronic Priesthood ordinance, my parents and Rob’s parents came for the occasion. After the ordination blessing, the bishop gave the grandparents an opportunity to say a few words. Our dads said some nice words and helped keep the spirit in the room. Then it was my turn. Nate and I both got emotional as I told him that I don’t expect perfection from him, that we will both make mistakes through this new “teenage” phase of our relationship, and that we will keep loving each other no matter what. It may not sound like much, but since I know my son and I know myself a little better these days, it was exactly what needed to be expressed. We had a special mother/son connection happen in that moment and we both felt safe, accepted, and loved. It’s a memory I will never forget.

The next Sunday he passed the Sacrament for the first time and it’s been awesome seeing him take on that responsibility.

Next up was his first trip to the temple to do Baptisms for the Dead. Rob and I have been using the Take a Name LDS Family History app which searches for missing ordinances in your family line. It’s found quite a few for us so we had some family names to do. Nate chose to go to the Draper Temple. Rob stood in to baptize and confirm him. It was a great experience. Afterward, we went out for Utah scones.

Now, for the Tourette Syndrome portion of the post (most people say Tourettes with an S, but technically that is incorrect). I noticed Nate’s first tic when he was around four years old but just recently took him in to be officially diagnosed. A tic is an involuntary, repetitive movement or vocalization. Now, Tourette is usually recognized as bursting out swear words uncontrollably. Yes, that’s possible, but only in the most severe cases and is not very common at all. Here are the more common tics, all of which Nate has had over the years (Little Cara is also developing her own tics, including face and eye movements and arm jerks):

• Throat clearing
• Sniffling
• Repetitive eye blinking
• Stretching eyes wide open
• Nostril flaring  
• Stretching mouth open
• Crunching face
• Tongue clicking at the back of the throat
• Different breathing patterns
• Overemphasized (almost violent) head shaking
• Stumbling repeatedly over the first few words of a sentence

Each of these tics come and go and he experiences at least two of them simultaneously. Each phase lasts a couple of months before moving on to the next batch of tics. They get really activated by stress, fatigue, excitement. They calm down when he’s relaxed. At their worst, he tics a couple of times per minute for a couple of weeks straight. This is the hardest time because it’s harder for him to concentrate, gives him headaches, and is exhausting both mentally and physically. As he’s reached puberty they have really kicked into high gear, which is normal. If his tics get too obtrusive or the social implications get worse as he goes through junior high and high school, medication is an option. Although he will always have this syndrome, the more noticeable tics usually slowly fade away in severity until adulthood.

The cause of Tourette Syndrome is unknown, but genetics play a clear role. TS commonly co-occurs with a number of other conditions, including ADHD, OCD, anxiety, sleep problems, etc. Nate has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, but they haven’t been too serious and we’ve been able to manage them just fine.  

Nate is fairly easy-going with all of this (unless his tics give him a headache). He understands that everyone has “something” that is “different” about them and this just happens to be his “something different”.

I have to give praise again to the parents and teachers in this neighborhood. Nathan has NEVER been made fun of for his tics, even when they’ve been at their worst at school. All the kids in his classes accept him just the way he is and that has made his life with Tourette so much easier on him. I’ve meant to thank some of you personally, but just know that you have touched my mother heart. Thank you, thank you for teaching your kids and your students to be kind.

Nathan has always pretty sensitive, but through our own emotional immaturity, Rob and I used to push him to “buck up” and not feel things so deeply. Through heaven’s help, we’ve learned how unfair that can be so we’ve done a bit of a 180-degree turn on that way of parenting. Now, it’s fine if he feels sad or upset over something…even if we don’t understand why. Now, we listen. We hug. We empathize. We try to understand and help him to understand his own deep feelings. This approach has been incredibly rewarding for all of us.  

I find myself saying, a lot lately, “He’s twelve now…” This is my way of reminding myself that he can make more and more of his own choices. He gets more freedoms but also more responsibility. It’s also a way of “pinching” myself that my little boy is not so young anymore. As I look at his pictures and videos of past years, I just can’t believe his intelligence, kindness, and humor. This boy is MY boy and I love him so dearly. He’s really close to all of our hearts.

Rob’s New Office!

Last November Rob called me with some great news. Someone at work had moved, leaving an office open and available for the taking. Rob jumped on the chance and started working in it right away, staking his claim before clearing it with anyone. After a couple of days of camping out in it he got approval and now he has four walls and a closing door. How exciting!

One of the first things that popped in my head when I heard the news was, “Ooh, can we decorate it?!”

Rob initially didn’t think decorating was necessary even though he is working in that box all day, every day. He should feel good and comfortable and confident, right? And how could you possibly feel those things when you’re trapped somewhere that looks like this?

I mean, it’s not Aleppo or anything so I suppose it could be worse…but it could also be a whole lot better.

Ideas swirled. Initially I was thinking of a midcentury engineering office look (slide rules, perpetual desktop calendar, wire basket full of rolled-up plans) as ode to Rob’s grandfather. Max Williams was a water engineer back in the heyday when engineers ruled the world and every mother wanted her son to grow up to be one. He travelled the world getting pipes and damns up and running in places that had never before had them (Iran, Indonesia, etc.). Grandpa Williams inspired Rob to become an engineer himself so Rob keeps grandpa’s name plate, engineering stamps, and his vintage survey level on display as an ode to his legacy.

Anyway, as much as Rob loves his grandfather he wasn’t feeling the midcentury vibe. It just isn’t him enough and that’s fair. My next idea was one that he got excited about. SPACE! Since Rob’s a space and sci-fi nut (with a dash of fantasy) we decided to head that route.

Now, only a few of the offices in his building are “decorated” and the ones that are simply have one wall painted and that’s about it. We pushed the envelope and painted two walls. Rob chose the daring color. Since these pics were taken on two different phones on different days, the paint color doesn’t match. In person the color is more mid-dark blue with a hint of gray. Also, the furniture isn’t so glaringly orange. Dumb phone camera pics that are hard to edit properly…

The lamp was left in the office from its last inhabitant and Rob decided he really like its warm, homey glow so it stayed. We both loved the modern, spacey look of his new clock. The globe was mine when I was a kid and works perfectly here. I helped him arrange the stuff on his bookshelf, including the vintage brass train/boat lights and a concrete core and a basalt core among other random things. He keeps drumstick pencils on his desk. Someone shamefully swapped his large tree for a small plant on the floor by the window.

To add his personality into the decor, I suggested we scatter memorabilia from his favorite movies around the place. He’s got:

• Sirius Black wand
• R2D2 mug
• Interstellar poster
• Quote from Gimli (Lord of the Rings)
• Star Trek Engineering insignia magnet

He rounded out the casual, “not-too-decorated” wall decor with two of his favorite space pictures. The eclipse as seen from his camp location in Idaho and The Hubble Ultra-Deep Fields photo. The image shows almost 3,000 galaxies in a region 5-10 billion light-years away from us…all in the equivalent area of looking through a straw at one spot in our night sky. Absolutely blows the mind to think about it. He loves that. He says it reminds him that “I’m not the center of the universe.”

Oh! I almost forgot about his fourth wall. There is a white board on it and Rob insisted on hanging a large map of the Mullerthal area we hiked in Luxembourg (even though it doesn’t match the “theme”. I conceded haha).

When it was all finished, he realized how much better it will be to work in his new “space”.  People walk by and give complements and when they enter they always notice something fun to talk about. It’s a warm, comfortable, inviting office that can be a haven from stressful working situations. Congrats on the new orifice (oops, typo…) office, babe!

A Good Day for a Photo Jam

Today is a good day for catching up on Fall and Winter 2017 photos and happenings. Note that I used to do this monthly or so but now I seem pretty happy with myself if I get to it on a quarterly basis. Life…right?!

Caroline’s 7th birthday festivities (Please ignore the various tripping hazards):

Nate-er Gator turned the big 1-2 in December.

After, let’s see…10 years?…I finally convinced Rob to put on a jacket for church again. Doesn’t he look oh, SO debonair?

Whoops! Wrong picture. My bad! Here’s the one I meant to post. Of course, he had to throw in the ever-so-classy Hogwart’s tie:

Christmas woodland creature pjs.

What the…morbid massacre?!

See that giant trophy? Madeleine joined the school’s ballroom dance team and they won the sportsmanship award. I guess they don’t do “winners” but it was the second biggest trophy awarded so that must mean something, right?

 

She only looks a tad nervous.

This is the sweetest. Madeleine is helping her read.

One story from Little Miss Literal:

Over the spring Caroline started complaining more and more about sore legs. She would collapse when she was running outside and would crawl inside to tell me, very sadly, that her legs hurt too much to play. At first I didn’t think much of it but it kept happening more and more and she was miserable because during those episodes she couldn’t put any weight on her legs. During one of these episodes I told her that I would carry her so she didn’t have to try to walk. I assumed it was growing pains, but then remembered she had some hip problems as a baby and her joints are loose like mine (which flare up occasionally).

After a month or two of these fits, and me carrying her around regularly, I decided to just have her checked out by her orthopedist (since she had hip issues before) because all this was happening right before we were headed to Europe where we’d be walking a lot.

At her doctor appointment, which Cara literally limped throughout, the diagnosis was…wait for it…growing pains. Betcha didn’t see that one coming! After the appointment Cara was walking juuuuust fine. I confronted her, asking “What the heck?!”

Her response…”You said that one time that I should rest my legs so that’s why I’ve always been having you carry me around, but they don’t really hurt.”

Cue the deep mom sigh…

Love this cuckoo crazy family of mine…even on days like today…

Emotional Vomit (or Purge on a Page)

Gosh, I could talk for months about emotions. In fact, Rob and I have been doing just that. I usually have a pretty well-thought-out idea of what I want to say when I start writing, but when it comes to this subject my mind goes all over the place and I can't nail down what it is that I actually want to say. So this time I'm rambling.

One thing I've been working on recently might seem small and petty, but that has helped me tremendously. It's this:

I've riddled myself ...my entire life...with substantially overusing the phrases I SHOULD do this. I SHOULD be like this. WE SHOULD. THEY SHOULD. IT SHOULD be this way. Also, I NEED to do this. I NEED to be like this. WE NEED. THEY NEED. IT NEEDS to be this way.

You get the picture.

I've come to realize how damaging this has been to my psyche/spirit, because when I say those things I'm not giving myself (or others) any wiggle room, any acceptance, any consideration, any way to ever be anything but an impossible, optimized version of what I deem to be "perfect". 

I used to tell myself I was just an optimizer and if I wasn't doing my best ALL the time then I wasn't good enough. The problem is...not only is no one perfect (which I did already knew), but it's not even possible to try my hardest to be as perfect as possible all the time (which I didn't already know). In other words, I knew I wasn't perfect, but I thought I had to try SO HARD to be as perfect as I could be all of the time.

Trying so hard...because I SHOULD be and I NEED to...is exhausting. And painful.

One day I just woke up to what I was saying and realized how unnecessary, how untrue, and how damaging saying those seemingly little phrases over and over again have been to myself and others. I started changing those two tiny little awful words to I COULD do this. They COULD. It COULD be this way. Also, I WANT to do this. I WOULD LIKE it to be this way. It WOULD be nice if.

Doing that slight little shift has opened my eyes and heart to other possible answers and solutions. It has taken so much pressure off of me to always do the perfect thing or to be the perfect way. 

What am I getting at? I don't know, honestly. There are a thousand other things I could type about.

Honestly, this last year of emotional growth has been an amazingly eye-opening experience for me and Rob, one that has brought so many answers to so many questions regarding:

• Who we have been
• Why we have been who we have been
• Who we really are
• How to be who we really are 

After all the emotional turmoil Rob and I have both been working through together we've learned so much more about ourselves than we ever thought possible. I mean, it was freakishly crazy when one moment we thought we really, deeply knew ourselves and each other...and then suddenly realize that we have to start all over from scratch. We abruptly came to find out that a lot of who we thought we as individuals were, is not really who we are, but a "part" or a "character" we've been playing to help us get through life.

We used to think to ourselves, "This is my just my personality." Or, "This is just who I am." As it turns out, there are reasons we have certain personality traits and they have more to do with coping mechanisms rather than the true person we actually are at the core.

Sure, maybe we've gone our whole lives thinking we are "like this" but what if we don't want to be "like this" anymore? Guess what? We can figure out why we are the way we are and be honest to ourselves about how our life circumstances have affected us. Once we clear out those closets, we can hit reset. And breathe.

It's been a miracle to finally realize that just because "I've always been..." doesn't mean "I always have to be..." There's a surprising amount of freedom we have found in finding out about, and learning how to let go of, the parts of ourselves that don't accurately reflect who we are and who we want to be. 

Admittedly, it's been an awkward and even a downright hard transition at times. Fortunately, we've both been entirely committed to working through it together. Two or our true personality traits are commitment and hard work. Thankfully we've both still got those pieces firmly in place. 

I'm fairly certain that every single marriage goes through a period of tear down and regrowth. If not, then there are probably some serious issues that haven't been admitted or allowed to surface. Because...when you marry (especially when you're both so young when it happens) how can you possibly expect either one of you to remain the same person throughout decades of life? If you do expect that, then there is obviously some emotional maturation that needs to take place. 

Emotional maturity. Gosh. I thought I had it. Rob thought he had it. Turns out, neither of us had a clue. But...now we do have a few clues along with a few tools that we are learning how to use. And you know what? It feels right. It feels real. It feels like we are finally learning how to really care about ourselves and each other in healthy, genuine ways. 

Yes, these last 9 months have been growing months for sure. Uncomfortable. Scary. Selfish. Maddening. Sorrowful. 

These last 9 months have also been incredible. Tender. Honest. Loving. Selfless. Healing. Forgiving.

Over my lifetime I've heard, thousands of times, people saying they're grateful for and stronger from their trials and that they'd never trade them for anything. When I'd hear that, I'd always want to raise my hand high and shout, "I don't believe you! I'm JUST fine just the way I am. I'll grow on my own without needing any prodding from trials. I can make that growth happen all by myself and save myself from hard things, so I'd rather not test out that theory, thank-you-very-much!"

Well. Now I finally understand what everyone is talking about. My eyes have been opened to how God uses our own failures and shortcomings as opportunities to bestow bounteous blessings upon us. The stuff people say about being grateful for the lessons learned from trials is all true. At least, it can be if you're committed, hard working, and humble. (I can also see how easily it would all go awry, depending on specific situations.) 

I'm not trying to get at anything here. I'm not necessarily trying to make a point and wrap this up all pretty. I don't have any final words of advice or motivational quotes or helpful tidbits. Just rambling...for my own sake. Just getting these chaotic thoughts out so I can think and feel more clearly.

This is my emotional vomit, my purge on a page...because sometimes we've just got to let it out.

Best Christmas Playlist Ever (You’re Welcome)

Okay, people. The thing is…hmm…how do I put this gently? Most Christmas music is terrible. At least that’s what we’re led to believe after hearing Mariah Carey 60 times in 30 days.

Well, Rob and I refuse to go through our joyous Christmas season without being able to properly celebrate with some good and groovy tunes. That’s why we’ve been collecting little musical gems for a few years now. I thought I’d post a bunch of our favorites so that those of you who are also fed up with the same Sleigh Ride arrangement that’s been overloading your peripheral hearing your entire life…can finally catch a break.

Check these out and you’ll find yourself enjoying Christmas music once again.

Jazzy: Christmas music played by some of the greats is perfect for celebratory background sound or for parties where you want your guests to think you’re actually kinda cool.

• Jingle Bells by Diana Krall & The Clayton-Hamilton Jazz Orchestra
• Carol of the Bells by Wynton Marsalis
• The Christmas Song by Dexter Gordon
• Medley: We Three Kings of Orient Are / The Holly and the Ivy / La Peregrinacion by The Swingle Singers
• The Nutcracker Suite by The Brian Setzer Orchestra
• O Christmas Tree by Russell Malone
• Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town by Bill Evans
• Toot, Toot, Tootie, Toot (Dance of the Reed Pipes) by Duke Ellington
• Mr. Heatmiser by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Punk Style: This music may be termed irreverent by some, but if you want your kids to think you’re actually kinda cool, these will win them over (and you might be surprised how much you enjoy rocking out, too).

• Coventry Carol by Deas Vail
• We Wish You a Merry Christmas by Weezer
• 12 Days of Christmas by Straight No Chaser
• Angels We Have Heard On High by Relient K
• Deck the Halls by Relient K
• I’m Getting Nuttin’ For Christmas by Relient K
• Sleigh Ride by Relient K
• Snow Globe by Matt Wertz
• We Wish You a Merry Christmas by Relient K
• 12 Days of Christmas by Relient K
• Do You Hear What I Hear? by Deas Vail

Modernized Versions of the Classics: It’s not that the classics aren’t wonderful in their own right, they’re just SO overplayed. Try these to make the originals feel original again.

• Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Andrew Belle
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Deas Vail
• O Come O Come Emmanuel by The Civil Wars
• Silent Night by Sarah McLachlan
• Christmas Is All Around by Sleeping At Last
• Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by She & Him
• White Christmas by Ben Rector

Remember Gratitude, Charity, and the Hand of God in our Lives.

Here is Rob’s talk from a couple of weeks ago. It’s really excellent. Drumroll, please…….

Julie so aptly and thoughtfully captured how gratitude can be experienced in life both in times of happiness and ease and times of difficulty. It doesn’t mean we deny the feelings of difficulty, sadness, loneliness, and pain. We feel them, understand them as the school teachers that they are and move forward by connecting with ourselves, loved ones, and the Lord.

I like to think of and teach the gospel in simple terms. In terms and through feelings that my children can understand and that I can internalize in a deep and emotional way. Living the gospel should ultimately help us feel good and whole. If I don’t achieve that in my efforts to live the gospel I ask myself why and see what comes up.

I’m not going to tell you or imply that you should feel guilty for not feeling enough gratitude. I don’t want to cheat you from the potential to feel gentle and uplifting feelings from the Holy Ghost. Today I hope to share my thoughts in terms which engender, faith, hope and charity.

The English author Aldous Huxley wrote, “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” I find myself all too prone to this tendency of ingratitude. There seem to be so many reasons to be detached from our blessings.

President Faust said that, one of the evils of our time is taking for granted so many of the things we enjoy. This was spoken of by the Lord: “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?” (D&C 88:33.) I’d never really thought about how taking for granted the things I enjoy was rejecting the heavenly gift. But it is!

The Apostle Paul described our day to Timothy when he wrote that in the last days “men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy.” (2 Tim. 3:2.) These sins are fellow travelers, and ingratitude makes one susceptible to all of them.

President Faust also taught that gratitude is an expression of faith and a saving principle.

He said, a grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.

Elder James E. Talmage said, “Gratitude is twin sister to humility; pride is a foe to both.” Humility is tied in with being teachable and being teachable opens us up to the blessing of further divine attributes.

Someone has said that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”8

President Joseph F. Smith has instructed us that “the spirit of gratitude is always pleasant and satisfying because it carries with it a sense of helpfulness to others; it begets love and friendship, and engenders divine influence. Gratitude is said to be the memory of the heart” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 262).

Gratitude seems to tie in with Faith, Hope, and Charity pretty seamlessly. I find this fascinating. So having a general attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving can lead us to the divine gift of Charity.

So how do we develop gratitude and recognize the hand of god in our lives when we live in such a fallen world and there is so much around us to drag us down?

Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? While we should be grateful and happy for the things we possess they will not be the things to connect us to others or to instill a deep sense of gratitude for the Lord.

Does social media make us happy and grateful? Really think about that for a minute. To me the answer is no, most of the time at least. I find it helpful and interesting in small doses. I’m very grateful that I can choose not to open the firehose of twitter when I need more calm in my life and I don’t want to disrupt my sense of gratitude.

President Faust said (in the 80’s), without question, we need to be informed of the happenings of the world. But modern communication brings into our homes a drowning cascade of the violence and misery of the worldwide human race. There comes a time when we need to find some peaceful spiritual renewal.

Those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy and social media cannot deliver: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, and the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for granted.

So how do we develop gratitude and recognize the hand of god in our lives? President Joseph F. Smith, provided an answer. Said he: “The grateful man / woman sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him / her the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his / her  life.” He continued: “Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!”9

President Smith is telling us that a thoughtful and prayerful life is the key to possessing gratitude and to allowing the good to outweigh the evil.

Bonnie Parkin (Past RS President) said that gratitude requires awareness and effort, not only to feel it but to express it. She said that gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God’s love. This grateful awareness heightens our sensitivity to divine direction. When we communicate gratitude, we can be filled with the Spirit and connected to those around us and the Lord. Gratitude inspires happiness and carries divine influence.

President Thomas S. Monson stated: My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven.

I feel prompted to share some things, attributes, and people that help me feel grateful as I close. This list not exhaustive; however, these things help me keep a balance in my life as I recognize that these good things are greater than the evil that surrounds me.

• I’m grateful for music as a medium to express and feel so much emotion. There is music for every mood, for every experience. Despite my love of music I’m also learning that sometimes silence is needed to hear myself.

• I’m grateful for mountains and for nature. I’m grateful to know that the Lord cares enough about natural beauty to create wonderful places for to enjoy. I’m grateful to live in a place so close to nature.

• I’m grateful for long-form writing for its power to develop ideas and convey thoughts

• I’m grateful for the art of listening. It is not a skill that I was blessed with but with great effort I’m making improvements. I’m regularly surprised by the insights and blessings that come from listening to people.

• I’m grateful to possess a deep relationship with Julie. I’m grateful for her forgiving nature, her strong opinions, and her confident intuition. It is so great to know and hear her and also to be known and heard in return. I’m grateful that we get to grow together.

• I’m grateful that heavenly father has blessed me with three children and I’m so grateful they start as babies and grow from there. I’ve needed time to mature and grow to be anywhere close to as good of a father as they deserve.

• I’m grateful that the Lord uses our weakness as well us the perils of mortality to keep us humble, to refine us, and to teach us divine attributes. He doesn’t cause these things in our lives but I’m glad he uses them. It would be so much worse if we just had to suffer through them for no benefit.

I’m so grateful to understand that I don’t need to be perfect to be acceptable to the Lord. I’m grateful to know that by staying teachable, through open communication with the Lord and my loved ones, and daily practical repentance, I can be found acceptable to the Lord today, despite my weaknesses.

Gratitude - Grateful in Any Circumstance

Rob and I were asked to talk in church the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Here’s my talk (which isn’t necessarily applicable when dealing with deep anguish or mental illness, per President Uchtdorf). 

Gratitude - Grateful in Any Circumstance

“There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious. We can be grateful!” So said President Uchtdorf.

Our Blessing List

For some forgotten reason exactly 14 years ago, Rob and I sat down together in our little downtown apartment and counted our blessings. Our goal was to write down 100 of them. Naming  them one-by-one, that number came quickly and we realized we had many, many more blessings to document. So we kept going! We finally topped out the list at our 400th blessing (which was goat cheese, by the way).

While thinking about my talk this week, I remembered this list that we had made. I knew I kept it so I searched bins and boxes and finally found it stashed inside a book.

As I reviewed these 6 ½ pages, I came across blessings that range from the predictable (family, priesthood, music, peace, ice cream) to the more philosophical (such as sentiments, interaction, concentration, intonation) and even to the downright peculiar (bituminous materials, stripes, edges, texture, twist ties, the color green, and nail clippers, which we wrote down twice…so they must’ve been very important to us that day).

As amusing as it was to read over this list from our newlywed selves, our older and a bit more life-experienced selves feel that, perhaps, focusing on what we are grateful for isn’t the best approach, since doing so may cause us to develop a spirit of gratitude only in proportion to the number of blessings we can count. Preparing for this talk has taught me that having a spirit of gratitude should be our disposition or way of life. One that stands independent of the length of our “blessings list”.

Grateful for the Hard Things

President Uchtdorf suggests this grateful “way of life” is the way to greater happiness. He knows we can choose to be grateful no matter what we have or don’t have. Instead of being thankful for things, He believes we should focus on being thankful in our circumstances - even the hard ones.

Now, gratitude in the hard things does not translate to mean we ignore our problems or are joyful in them. Nor is it a quick fix for anguish and true sorrow. However, this type of gratitude does transcend whatever is happening around us. “It allows us, through the eyes of faith, to look beyond our present-day challenges. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. This type of gratitude heals the heart and expands the mind.”

How can gratitude do all of this? The answer is in Christ. When we look to Him in Whom we trust, having faith that He can make beautiful things grow from our most difficult experiences, He will give us the enabling power we need to endure our trials in a more Christlike way.

Here are some examples. Through our harder life situations and setbacks, we can be grateful for: 

• The way our own sorrow can help us comfort others

• The personal growth that comes through deepening trials.

• The ways we can see God’s hand in the details

• Continual refining influences

• New or redefined relationships

• Reminders to slow down and take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually

President Uchtdorf teaches, “True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life, but trusting that one day we will. When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.”

3 Suggestions for Being Happier

If we are having difficulty being grateful during a particularly trying time, here are three suggestions.

1. President Monson tells us that “We often take for granted the very people who most deserve our gratitude.” Take the time to thank those who have blessed your life: your family who love you no matter what, your friends who are always willing to listen and comfort, the teachers and leaders who serve and bless your children, your neighbors who did a good deed, and the strangers who unknowingly cheered up your day.

2. Intentionally remember God and His goodness. To do this, President Uchtdorf suggests that instead of looking forward to a time when all our problems will be over, we look back. Ponder and try to bring to remembrance all the tender mercies and evidences of love God has shown you through your trials.

3. Practice the command given in Doctrine and Covenants 123:17 “Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed.”

Gratitude Unlocks the Doors of Heaven

When it comes to the blessings we can expect to receive by being grateful, they are significant in both number and value.

President Monson promises us that “Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love.”

President Uchtdorf said, “Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God’s creation. Gratitude is the catalyst to all Christlike attributes!”

According to these inspired men, gratitude blesses us with:

• A wider perception

• A clearer vision

• Humility

• Empathy

• Charity

• Drawing us nearer to those we love

• Strength in our trials

• Hope in Christ

• A greater feeling of God’s love

President Uchtdorf encourages us to “allow our souls to expand in thankfulness toward our merciful Heavenly Father. May we ever and constantly raise our voices and show by word and deed our gratitude to our Father in Heaven and to His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.”

I close with my testimony of Christ and gratitude to my Father in Heaven for the things I learn every day that help me be a better woman, wife, and mother. I’m thankful for the blessings that come from exercising faith, hope, and charity and I’m also thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me and forgives me even when I don’t practice those perfect Christlike attributes.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Kid Bathroom Redo with Herringbone Tile

Post Precursor: I’ve ALWAYS wanted herringbone floors, but now that I finally do, EVERYONE has them! Whatever…

After we did the master bathroom a year ago I got the itch to redo the kids’ bathroom. It was super dark and they didn’t take very good care of it. K, that’s a lie. They took terrible care of it. Half of my intent on redoing it now was to give them incentive to keep it cleaner. I’m happy to report that it’s working! Granted, it’s only been a few weeks, but I’m (foolishly) optimistic that this will be a long-term change for the better.

Rob convinced me to let him install a light above the shower (I was unnecessarily unsure of his electrical abilities). It’s always been really dark in their tub so Cara always insisted on bathing in ours because she was too scared of hers. Now her fear is gone and so are the piles of toys in our bathroom!

Back to the floors. Pretty, huh?! I can’t say enough about how great a job Rob did installing these beauties. Sometimes I love being married to a perfectionist.

Okay, so let me explain the cat situation we’ve got going on here. Obviously, the last thing I wanted was a cat-themed bathroom. However, my kids insisted so I went to work and made it as presentable as possible. Trust me, this is quite toned down from their ideas! I do have to admit that it turned out pretty cute. They helped to choose this picture of their very own beloved.

For extra credit points, I surprised the kids with this super silly little decal. They were thrilled of course. Man, are we cool over here or what?

Is it weird that, other than the floor, my favorite things in here are the wooden hooks? Hence the two pictures of them. Natural minimalism at its finest.

For the hardware, we went with a curved shower rod, paw hooks, and curved cabinet pulls.

Whenever I redo a bathroom I insist on a new toilet flusher. You have to admit that it makes a huge difference in the look and feel of the entire room. Another insistent…a toilet paper roll holder that is open on one side. I hate the hassle of squeezing that annoying plastic springy thing which just asks for the toilet paper roll to inevitably get set on top of it instead, which then falls and unrolls all over the floor. What…this just happens at my house?  

I even like how the room looks with just the one light on at night.

My only BEFORE picture from when we moved in:

Thanks to Rob for both the hard labor and the encouraging words whenever I got stuck down the rabbit hole of decor decisions.